Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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