I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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