meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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