tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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