JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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