Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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