Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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