I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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