I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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