M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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