I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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