John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize