No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Randomize