someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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