$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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