my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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