you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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