You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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