Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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