Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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