just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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