you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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