cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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