dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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