I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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