his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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