DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize