your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize