Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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