very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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