she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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