Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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