My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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