It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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