so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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