alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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