i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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