Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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