So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize