I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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