Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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