Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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