I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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