so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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