I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize