wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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