he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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