You kept calling me your small dog last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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