Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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