can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You need Xanax blowdarts
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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